


I know him so well

by Outerspaceduncegirl



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 10:23:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2544080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outerspaceduncegirl/pseuds/Outerspaceduncegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Song fic.<br/>Never listen to sad music when you're already feeling bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I know him so well

**Author's Note:**

> I advise you to listen to the song "I know him so well" before reading this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veXKe_-JEaQ  
> It's quite hard to "write" music, i did my best ^^  
> Hope you'll like it, I kind of realised this song was made for Catherine, and I thought a Song fic had to be done, so ... Here it is !  
> Let me know if you liked :)

Catherine was about to leave, early sun shining outside. It was a beautiful day, birds were singing and a smell of flowers was spreading across the city. Indeed, it was spring. Catherine liked this season. It was a sweet weather, calm and joyful. For the first time since a long time she felt good, waking up in the same time as the sun. She'd taken a warm and relaxing shower, drunk her coffee and put on a beautiful dress she'd bought recently. She felt fresh, rested, ready for the day, well this kind of rare feeling you only have in the morning. Basically, she was in a good mood.

And good mood for Catherine necesserally meant music. Except she had to leave now, peolpe at the theatre waiting for her. She was indeed currently in a play which was soon going to be given in the center of London. She'd missed theatre so much since Much Ado.

Thinking quickly, she wondered what kind of stuff she could use to listen to music during her walk. It had been a long time. She must have had an old MP3 lost in one of her drawers. Rummaging for a moment, she eventually found the little device, its earphones all tangled. She threw it in her handbag and, after a quick glance at the mirror, she left her house.

Walking in the street, she fought against the earphones to untangled them, and put them in, well, in her ears, as tradition requires.

_So_ , she thought letting out a deep breath, _let's see what you've got here._

Old songs mainly. The kind of songs that talked to her. Searching a bit in the files, she found something that made her laugh : Music, music, music ! Oh that wasn't recent. It was John Barrowman's album, published in ... ouh, in 2008 !

_That will do._

She played it, John's soft voice singing in her ears. She smirked. She could perfectly picture her friend in a musical. She increased the volume, and every other noises surrounding her disappeared. She entered in a world of music, and felt truly happy and free. She was walking lightly, beathing deeply the cool air of may. She went down stairs to find the Tube, and discovered a silent underground, people mouthing soundless, walking without any noise, trains arriving quietly. A world of gosts simply flying above the ground. She found it very enjoyable.

The tune playing now was Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You, and she really felt like starting dancing. In the Tube. No matter the people.

_But_ , she contained herself anyway. Good memories were coming back to her. Those three hours hosting BBC radio 2 with David. Laughing like idiots. Singing tracks of this album. She chuckled remembering the idea of John making a duet with himself. Oh that was a good time.

Her train arrived and she got in it, beaming, finding a free sit. Her thoughts started drifting to David. She hadn't seen him for ages. It was painful and easier at the same time. She had lost her best friend, but she had no more nagging questions lingering in her mind, questioning how much she loved him. Who they were. Who they were supposed to be.

Except at some moments. Some moments when memories broke through. She would remember the time before Much Ado. _During_ Much Ado. Those nights after performance spent in her appartment. When he vowed he loved her. When she held him tight and silently because she couldn't answer, because he wasn't hers. She was the other woman, and it had destroyed her.

She would remember their last night, after the last performance. He'd kissed her so fiercly on stage, as if the world was collapsing around them. And after, in her bedroom, he'd kept repeating those three hurting words : "I love you.". Saying it in her hair, in her neck, against her lips and all over her body. And she hadn't said a word. As always. And that pain in her heart had killed her. The next morning he'd disppeared, without a word, so she decided to move from that situation.

She left to LA, flying away from her complicated life and tried to rebuild something. But she pathetically failed. Because she was here in London, remembering the man.

The song which was playing came to an end and silence fell. For a moment she held her breath, music synchronized with her thoughts. Then an other track started. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She knew that song but couldn't put the finger on the title. What was it already ?

_Nothing is so good it lasts eternally,_

_Perfect situations must go wrong._

_But this has never yet prevented me,_

_Wanting far too much for far too long._

Her heart skipped a few beats. Oh god. That song. She should have stopped it before it was too late. But she didn't have the bravoury.

_Looking back I could have played it differently,_

_Won a few more moments, who can tell ?_

This was too accurate. Too accurate and true. It was hurting. Catherine was squeezing tightly the MP3 in her hand, which started becoming white, blood circulation stopped.

_But it took time to understand the man,_

_Now at least I know I know him well._

She did. Catherine was the one who knew him best. She knew what he thought, what he felt, when he lied, when he was sincere.

_Wasn't it good ?_

Oh yes it was.

_Wasn't he fine ?_

He was perfect. Her other half.

_Isn't madness ? He can't be mine._

Tears filled her eyes. He could never be hers. Never. Her heart was bleeding.

_But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, more security._

She had to contain her sobs now. Shut up John ! Why do you see so clear in me ? Of course I'm not enough for him ! And he is so daft he can't even see it.

_He needs his fantasy and freedom,_

_I know him so well._

She knew him so well. Was this song made for her ? Her train stopped at her station, and she shakily stood up, tears blindfolding her vision. Her feet were mechanically working, she didn't really know what she was heading to anymore.

_No one in your life is with you constantly,_

_No one is completely on your side._

But she couldn't live without David, could she ? No. She felt empty without him. Like an abandonned shell. Something in her was missing to be complete. Life had no purpose anymore. She suddenly stepped outside, bright sun making her blink for a moment. She kept walking, slowly, like a lost person who isn't aware of the world surrounding her.

_And though I move my world to be with him,_

_Still the gap between us is too wide._

Wide ? Jesus, I call that a whole sea, a whole ocean ! That's not a gap, that's a galactic vacuum. How long had it been since she last saw him ? Since she last talked to him, for real ? Yes, indeed, the gap was far too wide.

_Looking back I could have played it differently,_

_Learn about the man before I fell ..._

Words were swirling in her head. She didn't know where reality was now. She didn't hear the sound of her own steps, she was floating in a world of nightmares.

_Now at least, I know I know him well._

_Wasn't it good ? Wasn't he fine ? Isn't madness ? He can't be mine._

Stupid chorus. Painfully digging in her heart.

_Didn't I know how it would go ?_

_If I knew from the start._

But of course she did ! Of course she'd always known she would be the second choice, the other one, and that in the end, they would both suffer. Yeah she'd been an idiot !

_Why ? Why am I falling apart ?_

Her breath got caught in her throat. Her legs stopped supporting her weight. She fell herself fainting, and at the last moment, fell on a public bench, head spinning and tears running down her cheeks.

_But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, more security._

Tears wouldn't stop. She didn't even try to wipe them away. There was no point. People in the street were staring at the crying woman. Perhaps did they recognize her ? Or maybe did they just feel her immeasurable pain.

_I know him so well. It took time to understand him._

_I know him so well ..._

Music ended. She weakly pushed the button to stop the MP3. No more. Never ever. She started composing herself. She removed the earphones with slow movements. Rimmed eyes, she raised her head and came back to reality. It felt like waking up from a dream. A nightmare. Now every thing seemed grey and sad. People looked depressed. Even the sun wasn't as shining as this morning. An unworthy world to live in.

But one thing was still glowing in the dark. A building, old and special. A small grin appeared on Catherine's face.

It was the theatre.


End file.
